I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
