how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
