She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
