I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
