so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
