just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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