im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
