he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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