dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
