the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
