its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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