so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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