ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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