As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
