my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
