I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
