The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
