I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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