Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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