Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
