He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
