Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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