Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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