OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
