Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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