I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
