So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
