Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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