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"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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