Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
