you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
