you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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