dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
