I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
