I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
