Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
