I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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