The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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