It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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