He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
