I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
