I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Your cock deserves a montage
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
