I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
