apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
