THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
