I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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