kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
