dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
