all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
