Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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