you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
