I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
