she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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