i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
