Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The air was thick with penises
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My vagina is officially offended.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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