It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
