We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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