she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
