Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
