apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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