Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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