jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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