We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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