the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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