Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize