I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
