therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
