Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
