dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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