My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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