Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
