At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
