she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
